Hi, my name is Megan Cyr. I am 26 years old, single and unemployed.
I sit here in my parent's house exactly one year from when I created this blog. The scenery is a lot different. Last year, I sat in my bed looking at the Swiss Alps in the majestic town of Neuchatel, Switzerland. I felt very complete and as though I had figured out this thing called life. My perspective was clear and my heart was full. Crazy how fast things can change in a year?
Normally, around this time I am packing my bags and jetting off to a foreign country. I know the next eight months will be spent playing volleyball. I may not know who my teammates will be, what my apartment will look like or if I will understand anything anyone is saying. But, I usually know that I will be dedicating the majority of my time to volleyball, Netflix, and baking. Occasionally, I will get to travel, but for the most part I will be in the gym, on a bus or sleeping. That is my comfort zone.
Today, I am 100% unsure of what the next eight months has in store. I decided to stay at home this Fall and pursue some other areas of interest. I will be getting braces in a week, which will eventually lead to jaw surgery. I am taking three online classes in the hopes that when I am ready, I can get into the Master's program I desire. I am coaching volleyball to give back to the sport that has given me so much. I am going to be a substitute E.A. to see if working in a school is where I belong. I am doing all these things, yet feel so lost. I feel like I am not reaching my potential. I am scared. I worry about the future. I worry about what I am going to do tomorrow to feel purposeful.
But, are we not all unsure of what tomorrow holds? Sometimes, when your life has been pretty peachy keen, you forget that tomorrow is never promised. I forget that each day is a gift. Instead of living in the moment and being thankful, I get caught in the trap of self-pity. I drown myself in wishing for the past and hoping for the future. I spend too much time thinking and talking, instead of doing.
This blog is a perfect example of what I dislike most about myself. I am a talker. I will admit it. I have one million and three brilliant ideas in my head. One day I want to be a teacher, the next day I want to create an app and then I see myself going to the 2020 Olympics. Heck, one year ago I just wanted to create a blog and post frequently.
After my first two posts I recieved a lot of positive feedback. I thought, "I found my calling. I am going to be a writer. This blog will go viral and I think I found my new passion. This is my purpose."
Boy, was I wrong. Three posts in and I never finished another post again. In fact, I have seven unfinished drafts waiting to be posted. Those go along with my five unfinished scarves that I started crocheting while in Europe. If you look inside my night stand table, you will find four journals that are 1/4 of the way full. I always think buying a new journal will motivate me to write every day until it is full.
Oh, and in my closet there are three adult colouring books. All which have about five pages coloured. I am starting to wonder what is worse... Starting something and not finishing or never starting at all?
Deep down I am scared to post this because what if I do not post again for another year?
And there it is. The reason why I never do anything I dream about or think of. FEAR.
Fear drives me to stay comfortable. Fear makes me unhappy. I did not realize it until I read/watched my friend Cory Katuna's blog. Whoa. That was a wake up call. If you feel like you are not living to your potential and maybe stuck in a rut to visit her blog. Something about her post smacked me out of my state of self-pity.
I am completely unsure of my future right now. I have so many plans and ideas in my head. Some which sound super appealing and others I am just pursuing to pass the time. But, it does not matter. What matters is that I start. I may not finish and that is okay. However, whatever I do will be done with maximum effort and my full heart. I am sick of doing stuff half-assed because I am unsure if it is my life purpose.
I feel like I have a purpose on this earth and it scares me that I do not know what that is. But, the point is I have been given this precious time to explore. I have the gift of uncertainty, flexibility and time.
How beautiful is that?
Thanks to Cory Katuna for hitting me with the cold hard truth. You motivated me to live every day a little better and bring happiness to others because that is my favourite thing to do. I may not know what my purpose is just yet, but I will find joy in figuring it all out.
Let's do this thing.